A bad week...

I'd sum this week up as a bad one...

Lots of non blog worthy stuff has gone on... for example a rough night of sleep after an incident with drunk neighbors (thinking our house was theirs... key wouldn't work so they thought beating on the door would work... thank GAWD someone directed them to the right door..esp since I was home alone!!).  And I did get a part time (like majorly part time) job babysitting for two of the most aussome little aussie chicks I have met.  So awesome.  Fell in love in a second!

But my niece and I have had a falling out and now we are not on speaking terms.  In fact, none of my family is speaking to her and she is burning bridges one by one.   Anyone who knows me, has to know how hard this has been on me...even if I haven't seemed to truly show it.  There are times I've gone to places we went when she was here and I laugh to myself about an event, and then realization hits and I realize the truth.  It's been hard.  Add to that Wayne was away for work this week, so I haven't really had someone to talk to about it.  Not that I'm sure it's something I WOULD discuss.. because at our 2 hour long chat over dinner tonight, I didn't talk about feelings, just facts.  I guess part of me feels if I don't get past fact, emotions won't be a part and I won't have a breakdown or anything.  And I guess the fact that I'm more angry than I am hurt also plays a big part of that.  When you feel more rage than hurt, your reaction seems to be totally different... one is to cry..the other is to break things, such as the necks of those angering you?  Needless to say, wine has been my friend tonight.  I've been really working on alcohol, but it's Friday night, I've had a long week with lots of things going on mentally and emotionally, so I don't feel bad about it.

I'm also frustrated because I got an awesome job offer...however it involves a lot of paperwork and money to get it finalized (government stuff..not a scam!) so we just don't think it will be worth it since I plan on getting a job in nursing as SOON as my license is done (and already been in touch with a hospital like 2 blocks from here... literally walking distance).  My frustration comes in on the financial point.  I hate feeling dependant on someone for money.  I know once we are married and have kids it'll be different... but for now, just being girlfriend/boyfriend, I just hate it.  Wayne has never done anything to make me feel this way, I guess it's just me.  I've worked since I was 16 (wow..almost HALF my life?!!?) and I just wish I could contribute more.  And I know that soon I will be able to.  Although when certain bills roll in, I just can't help but feel bad that I can't offer more than love, support, and a clean house.  Most women would love to be in this situation.. an awesome partner, a beach 5 minutes away, and financially relying on someone else.  And I a grateful for the first 2.  I've just never been "that" girl.

So, I'm ready for the weekend.  Wayne has had a long week and is knackered..already in bed and snoring.  I'm blogging and talking to my mum.  The weekend looks good....nice forecast (before cold storms move in mid week) and a 60th bday dinner for Wayne's mom (my future mum-in-law! :D ) at a realllly nice restaurant.  Other than that, domestics and just spending time together.  After the week apart, I'm ready for Wayne to have a good night of sleep so he can tolerate me annoying him and some snuggling on the couch.  That's my favorite part of the weekend...and probably his LEAST favorite part.  I laid low tonight so he could unwind.  Tomorrow, well, that's another story! haha!!

Until next time...