Back in the USA.

I can't lie.  It has been wonderful to see my best friends and family.  Esp my niece, who I love sooo sooo much.  However even on the best days and the best times, I can't help but find myself wishing someone SPECIFIC were beside me during all these times.  No.  Things didn't work out, but I'm not ready to give up when we are both still in love.  And that's not just wishful thinking, it's fact.  Us loving each other has never, even on the worst days, been an issue.  And of course, I will not go into things on my blog.  I use my blog as an outlet, so filling in whoever reads this on intimate details of my life... isn't what this blog is about.  I have been able to have chats with some of my absolute closest friends.  I have been told that they've never seen me happier than when I am with him, and they can see, even post Australia move, how happy he makes me and how much in love with him that I am.  After a 9 hr chat on Sunday with my aussie (yes, I still think of him as my aussie) I feel that there is hope and that the love that we have is strong enough to make it through this, and perhaps in the end simply make us stronger.  I have no clue what the future holds, I just hope that I am right on WHO I hope is in my future.....  I'd do anything to see him right now.......

I had copied into this blog about 20 quotes that I felt were fitting for this situation... and I had an unexpected computer shutdown, and those weren't saved...so I will come back another time and spend another 30 minutes of copy/paste of quotes that I think fit my situation...and since I'm a quote/lyric gal..well, that's my thing!! lol..  So for now, I am gonna end here....  but don't worry, I'll be back and post those quotes (I KNOW you are stoked! haha).  Until next time...

Love to you all...and esp to you... you know who you are......

wow...

I will not lie.. I'm truly still in shock at the moment... it's funny how life can have such high high's..and such low low's.  Where are the low' highs or the high lows? Those would balance out life MUCH more effectively I would think...but what do I know????

I find myself at the end again..which by all means is at the begining??????..based on how full your cup is today?  I am feeling more emotions than I thought possible.  I find that all I wanna do at the moment is cry...and try to find a way to "fix" everything..but even I, the one who needs to fix it all, knows...this just can't be fixed.  In the past, my answer to a new chapter has been a new blog.. however, I don't feel I can "run" from my past.  Afterall, my past does "make" me...right?  So therefore, I am facing this head one (as much as it hurts) and just dealing with it..... with a little help from my friends of course... who I am anxious to see at this point.  I will probably go through and do some editing to my blog.. but I have no intention of deleting this blog... I can't "run" from every bad experience.. hell, we all have them... it's what makes us, right?  So, I'm hanging my head, admitting that it didn't work...heading home, and just doing some editing..and that's that.  I've gotten several email requests on Facebook asking what happened as soon as I changed my status.  Well, I waited until he changed his... once that was done, I figured that it was done and safe to change mine.. (did I really just say that?).  However, I never have, and never will go into the fall between me and the Aussie online.  I have too much respect for him and as a person to get into that.  While we may disagree on a LOT of things, I would like to think our level of respect for each other is high enough that we don't bash each other online???  God, I hope I'm not living in a fantasy world when I say that???

I leave Australia in less than 48 hrs.  The goodbye's that need to be said bring tears to my eyes.  It's never easy when you bring kiddo's into the situation... and granted these are "just" nephews (said with much sarcasm... because I love them all as if they were my own) it's never easy.  Esp when a young one has just learned "aunty ape".  I think I will cry myself to sleep hearing that for ages to come.  But seriously..how do you explain..to children..that Aunty Ape is leaving...and never coming back?  Hell, I'm not sure I understand it all.. much less explain it to a child???

And that's not the only goodbye that I dread.  Despite the fall of our relationship, Wayne and I have been friends for about 6 yrs or so now.  It was never easy parting as just friends..but now?  I won't deny that I love him..even as I type this from the guest bedroom.  I love that man DEARLY.  I can never deny this.  I do....  Me loving him or him loving me has never been an issue since we became "us".....I know that, and I know he knows that.  So parting is going to be very very very difficult.  Nearly impossible.  I recall what the first numerous hours of the looonnnngggg flight to Kentucky were like before...parting against our will.  Well, I still feel we are parting against our will on some level...so not sure this will be any easier than before?

As a quote gal, I can't NOT leave this 3am rant on a note other than...well...a quote.....

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”



30 day challenge take 2 / day 15

Day 15: What you would if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant.

 

I *think* that I am back in order now after my epic fail....  Day 15.  Half way through this challenge.  Why is it that I've had more time to actually blog on this challenge than the previous one, yet I find myself even on days without a damn thing to do putting off blogging?  It's the stubborn rebel in me perhaps?  lol.

Ok.  The challenge.

If I were pregnant, I wouldn't be unhappy at ALL.... However it would truly be bad timing at the moment considering all that is going on with work, paperwork, finances, etc.  I guess it's not very often in this day and time that everything is "perfect timing" for brining a child into the family, whether it's the first or tenth.  However, trust me.. now is really not the time.  Before I moved to Australia, and right after Wayne had left from his holiday visit, I did have a "scare".  I noticed that I stayed nauseated, got sick often, and then thought "uh oh".  It wasn't the fact that if I was it would be a bad thing, it was at the time, we were 11k miles away.  How do you tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant that far away?  Seriously.  I know skype is a great thing, and emails are awesome for long distance relationships and such... but neither of those are really appropriate for that news.  That's something that even a phone call isn't really that appropriate for.  Luckily I never had to face the whole "how do I tell him" because the tests (yes..more than one) were negative.

2nd 30 day challenge = EPIC fail....

But I will finish it up.  It was brought to my attention that I had totally skipped day 13 on the challenge.  Whoopsie!  So now I'll go back and make up the missed challenge, and give an update.. cause I'm sure you are just sitting and waiting daily for an update, yes?  No?  hmm... lol.  ;)

Day 13: Your least favorite female group.

This one was hard (but notice that their background matches the Chick's background?  OK.. not the same flag..but you get the point).  The reason this one is hard is because I am having trouble of thinking of female groups....  And I don't dislike the Spice Girls... the challenge was simply "least favorite".  The reason I chose this group for the challenge is simply because this group has a skill... of getting STUCK in my HEAD.  "I'll tell you what I want...what I really really want..."   Luckily you don't hear this on the radio hardly at ALL, but the rare times I do, I swear that song (and a few others of theirs) will get STUCK in my HEAD for DAYS.  Wilson Phillips ran a close race in getting in this post, but I hardly wanted to admit that I know Wilson Phillips songs word for word.  OH wait.. just did.  ;)

My mind has been quite busy the last 24 hrs.  Last night Wayne was out at a concert (Justin Townes Earl..which we are both attending tonight) and I was unwinding and relaxing... watching TV and such.  My friend I blogged about, Heather, was having surgery during this time.  I attempted to call one of our mutual good friends, Amanda to see if she had had any update.  Nothing at that point.  So she and I chat for a little bit and then she gets a call waiting beep.  "It's Heather...."  I sit for what seemed like 2 days on hold (was just a couple minutes, but when you are waiting for news (good or bad) seconds feel like hours.  I could tell as soon as Amanda came back on the phone the news was not good....

Let me bring you up to date, because I don't think past my blog that I have done an update.  The week after the big "C" diagnosis, she went to the oncologist who did a second biopsy.  He said the next steps depended on that biopsy and that he didn't feel it was going to turn out well.  Last week she was told the biopsy was "NEGATIVE" in which we all were so happy.  With the biopsy being negative, the doctors felt they could go in and simply excise just the cancer and be done.  Yesterday was the day of this excision.  They administered the general anesthesia, went in to do the excision only to find that it was much worse than they expected and one of their concerns is that it has spread.  They did nothing (because they had orders not to do a hysterectomy if they felt that was their only choice) and woke her up, and dropped the news. 

What's next?  Currently her only option to still be able to have kids and have the cancer removed is a trachelectomy which is where the cervix is surgically removed.  70% of women can conceive after this, but with no cervix the babies are simply born by c-section.  This procedure is currently only performed in New York.  Her oncologist is going to get this arranged in the next week or two.  From there, if the cancer has spread past the cervix, they will do a lymph node biopsy, possible hysterectomy, chemo/radiation.   All of this for a 24 year old and one of my absolute best friends.  I could hear the fear in her voice, and I could hear how down she was.  You can put on a happy face and say everything is ok, but even 11K miles away, a best friend can tell something is wrong in your voice.  My heart breaks for her, and I just pray for her, her family, her physicians, her surgeons, and her travels to New York during all of this.

Today I had a good day though.  Wayne's brother Paul took me to an area called Swan Valley today.  We went and did some wine tasting, a chocolate factory (free tastings too..yummy!), cheese tasting, and beer tasting.  The day was a gorgeous day and just perfect to get out and try some things and chit chat about all kinds of different things.  Yesterday Aideen and the twins and I found a shopping center with a nice bakery, a nice deli (food was fantastic!!) and a wine shop that has GREAT prices.  They buy overstock from some wineries and place their own label on it and are able to sell it much cheaper than you'd ever be able to buy that wine. So, you get a bottle for $5 bucks on up (I think the most expensive I saw was $20 or $30??) but the quality is fantastic.  And the best part is they have all the bottles available to sample before you buy.  Which makes purchasing a new wine much easier!!  Tonight, Justin Townes Earl concert.  Tomorrow dinner at the folks with the brother and his wife and the newphes, Saturday dinner with a friend.  Looks like the end of the week and the weekend are shaping up to be pretty good down under.  ;) 

Hope everyone is doing well out there in bloggerland..  Until next time.....

Sculptures by the sea... a blog with pictures AND words! haha...

So here in Perth at a beach called Cottesloe Beach there is an ongoing sculptures by the sea.... artwork of various types on display.  Sunday evening we decided to head down and check them out.  I will admit, some of these pieces of "art"...didn't fall under what I'd consider art, but was still interesting to see.  Some of them I had no CLUE what they were.  Of course most of them had "do not touch artwork" sign next to them.  And of COURSE we broke that rule and photographic evidence.. hehehe.  (seriously, I am like a kid and putting those signs up is either gonna make me touch it, or give enough peer pressure to someone else to touch it.  Hey, I know I am an adult, but I never claimed to be a *mature* adult.  HUGE difference....).

So, we started to notice a few of the sculptures/art had a penis.... of course, again since we are mature immature adults, we giggled and took pictures.  Luckily there were too many people around so we couldn't take any pictures with poses of said penises, peni, or whatever the pleural for penis is......

We decided since it was late afternoon (or the aussie term, arvo) to stick around and watch the sunset.  As we are sitting there, we notice this quite young couple beside us (not super close, but still the closest people to our left) that are hardcore making out...  of course, we couldn't resist pictures of this either.  Yeah, we are super mature.

I have a 30 day challenge to do, but I'll fiddle with that one later.  Figured that an update was good enough.  If not, oh well. 

I've now been in Australia for a little over 5 weeks.  Wow, where does the time go?  I am awaiting a package from my mom with all of my paperwork that I've been (impatiently) waiting on to file for my nursing license.  At least knowing it's all together and in progress makes me feel less like I'm "waiting" at this point.  Of course I've been spending a lot of time spoiling all my new men.... (11 mo old twins, 20 mo old, and nearly 4 year old).  Things at home are good.  Learning to live with each other (without killing each other) and all the normal things that go along with cohabitation.  And considering we spent so much of our relationship 11K miles apart, even being together on a regular basis is an adjustment for us both.  And we are both 30'something (however, I must include he's older than me... hahaha!  :P )  stubborn (see previous blog) both had been living alone prior to the move, so lots of adjusting.. and moving 2 people into a space that previously occupied by one.  And I don't even have more than clothes (and my millions of hair/cosmetic products...) here at this point.  So, all in all, I think all is good.  And steps by both parties in the right direction are in place, so we'll see. 

Tonight's agenda: dinner, my FAVORITE reality TV show, some ice cream, and now a game of scrabble on the iphone.... And I just discovered "miggle" is a word.  WTF?  I have to admit, I use a lot of words on here that I have no clue the meaning of.  But hey, knowing the definition is not part of the game.  Although a certain somebody (*coughs and points to her left*) sometimes insists that we involve that into the rules.  And of course, when I'm asked "WTF does THAT mean?"  I respond that I refuse to insult his intelligence by telling him what big words mean if he doesn't already know.  Yes, I am full of feces.  (wonder how many THAT would get me on a triple word??? haha...)  (and as a side note, as I do the spellcheck for this entry, Miggle is coming up as a spelling error.  HAHAHA.  Make that an evil MUAHAHAHA on second thought...)

Ok... here's the photos I promised.....  (and wtf is up with blogger photo upload and layout editor these days??? Major trouble on this one!)

This one I actually liked.....

Penis sighting #1 for the day... a tad creepy....

"and this is suppose to be.....???????"

Not sure what this is suppose to be or represent, but it looked like a sea or wave of hats...sailors I assume.  Kinda looked like the old time nurse hats, but doubt that's what it's for being seaside and all.....

 



Recycle/trash bins on pool noodle shelves... And this WAS part of the exhibit, not just colorful trash cans for those who were there...



Proof this is "artwork".

Another one that I thought was kinda cool.  Not sure what you'd do with it though??

The sea with wind surfers.  Not an art exhibit, but my kinda scenery!

Penis sighting #2... this dude apparently has no stage fright???

I call it a pile of rusty triangles, they call it art.  Wayne, can't resist touching.....

despite the signs..... lol

pretty cool, but wish I had gotten a picture with the ocean in the background (it was behind me when I took this.. )

Painted fans blowing in the breeze... art, or yard sale?  You decide.....

This was hard not to rock out a game of pick up sticks.. I mean, seriously..that's just ASKING for trouble.. or fun...whatever you wanna call it?

Penis sighting #3, however unable to get a picture.. there were far too many people on the "Front" side to go around without looking like a total freak or perve.  (No comment)

Houston...do we have ANOTHER penis sighting????

Negative, Apollo.  He is "board".  haha, get it??

Man, tough room.....

"Summer Lovin'"...literally.  Please note, those are undies and a dress.. NOT swim suit bottoms....

This went on what seemed like FOREVER.  I would kill my children if I busted them like this in public in front of hundreds of people and children.  And if you are my child and have found this years from now and are reading....I will still beat your ass if I catch you....

Beautiful Indian Ocean.

Camels... obviously.  Did I need to really caption this one?

High Five anyone?

Kinda cool tribal looking dudes.

I think this was made out of plastic bags??? 

The sun setting over the beautiful Indian Ocean and Rottnest Island (not sure if it shows up in the picture..but is beautiful to see)

And the sun has set on another day and weekend here in sunny (and HOT) Australia.

30 day challenge take 2 / day 14

Day 14: Something you love about yourself.

Sigh.  It's so much easier to say things you don't like about yourself.  I hate my thighs, waste size, horrible vision, frequent nightmares and far too frequent insomnia (which by the way, tonight is night TWO of... GRRR.  How long does it take your body to adjust to a schedule that is not 12 hr night shift schedules???)   My ability to over worry and over analyze never fail to amaze even me.  And not in a good "aww" kinda way.  No, not like that.  At.  All.  OCD drives me nuts, but at the same time I can't say that I "hate" it... it's a love hate relationship, for sure.  And apparently, I'm not a fan of sticking to my 30 day challenge?  Both in frequency and sticking to the actual challenge when I actually DO blog?  ADHD much?  In the words of Peter Griffin "ohh!! shiny red ball!". 

See.  I can't stay on track when I blog.  Ah.  What do I care.. lol.

Ok......

Day 14: Something you love about yourself.

This sounds stupid, but after much thought (and for lack of being all girlie sappy today).... something I love about myself is my stubbornness.  Yes, you read that right.  I am stubborn as a mule.  Pretty sure my mom would agree that I always HAVE been.  And if she denies that, I'm pretty sure she is off of her medication again.  *just kidding, mom!*

Why is this something that I love about myself?  Because my stubbornness is what has helped me get where I am in a lot of ways.  For just a FEW examples (and since it's late, and I KNOW there are more, I apologize if I don't prove my point enough.  For those of you who know me, you don't need proof....haha!)

*when I wanted to go back to nursing school, my job didn't work with school schedules (even though I only asked to leave 30 minutes early 2 days a week).  Denied.  I went through the entire chain of command... as far as I could.  Was still told no, and was recommended that I give up on going to nursing school by my boss AND by the school's entrance counselor.  Well that wasn't an option, so I fought my way to a job that would allow me to go. 

*I was exhausted and tired and always behind on something when I was working full time and going to nursing school full time.  But the stubbornness in me REFUSED to give in to either.  So I carried on.  Just probably a little more tired and bitchy than normal.  (wait..me..bitchy??? nevah'!!!)  The stubborn side of me refused to admit when I was tired, when I needed help, and when I needed a *break*

*the day I was to fly to Australia, there were wind warnings, trucks that had the interstate SHUT down because of a wreck.. ice storms, cancelled flights..... a million gazillion things that should have stopped me from getting to Australia (much less out of Kentucky).  But nope.  Even drove the wrong way on the interstate in the emergency lane with traffic coming straight on to go around said interstate truck wreck.  My dad's words to me "you ain't letting NOTHING stop you are ya?"

My response???

"No dad.  No I'm not.  I'm stubborn."

"True..."

Closed book case, eh?

30 day challenge take 2 / day 12

Day 12: Your favorite female group.

Yup.  Dixie Chicks.  Hands down favorite female group for me.  A lot of people became anti chicks in 2003 right before the beginning of the war for making a comment while in London, England saying:

"Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war,

this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas". 

This caused all their music to be taken off the radio.  The girls received death threats.  So, apparently we have the freedom of speech, but can't always speak for fear of death threats.  Awesome.  I make a point to not get too into politics or religion on my blog.  The reason for that?  Because my opinion is my opinion.  I respect others opinions.  But in my experiences, I find other people aren't always open to respecting opinions of others that aren't the same as theirs.  Say 2 people are talking.  Bob likes steaks medium rare, and Jane likes them well done.  Bob can say, oh I like it like this because it has more flavor.  Jane can say she doesn't like them medium rare because she doesn't like the look or taste of it.  End of story.  It's not something that needs to be debated.  Respect the opinions and move on!  Doesnt' seem to be the case with politics and religion. Ok..off my mini soap box.

Where are they now?  Well, the sisters of the group have formed a new band, and it's my second favorite female group at the moment.  Courtyard Hounds.  My dear friend Brandy introduced me to this band last year.  I listened to a few clips of songs on itunes, and after just a few clips, I purchased the album and I love it.  I give it two thumbs WAY up and recommend you give it a listen.  It's a little bluegrassy, but really a great album, in my opinion.

Where is Natalie?  I have no clue.  Tried to google, but really didn't find much on what she's doing these days.

************

So, I haven't been very good at doing my 30 day challenge.  It's been quite a few days since I have blogged at all.  I'd love to say that I have a good excuse.  In fact, I have NO excuse whatsoever.  lol.  Lazy, not in the mood... yeah, those are a couple reasons.  I go through stages where I don't blog for a while, then blog 3 times in one day. 

Ok... off for now....



30 day challenge take 2 / day 11

Day 11: A letter to one of your exes.

Ummm.  Yikes.  I guess when I found the second 30 day challenge that I'm working on, I didn't fully read all of the challenges.  Had I, there is a chance based on *this* entry alone I would have NOT done this challenge.  Ok, so it's not a chance, but a guarantee  ......Sigh.  Guess it's called a challenge for a reason? 

The challenge doesn't say that it has to be an ex as in relationship.  I could blog on ex friendship, hypocrisy, immaturity, etc.  (well, guess I kinda just did, huh?).  But, I don't wanna go there... yet.  But feel that at this rate, it's coming.  It'll take one bad day, a touch of estrogen, a side of homesick, and a certain creeper to set me over the edge.  I'm just sayin'....

Anyways.  Back to the challenge. 

Here we go....

"Dearest MF'er.

Thank you for wasting 6 yrs of my life.  They were just the prime years in my 20's, and I totally will get those back.  Please note sarcasm....

Thank you for allowing me to lose the ability to give trust as it properly should.  I am sure that anyone that I have taken out my lack of trust out on truly appreciates this as well.  Nicely done.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to lose confidence in myself and allowing me to always doubt everything that I do or say or feel.  It's an awesome feeling to feel that you aren't worthy of things that you *actually* are.

Thank you for allowing me the chance to experience the feeling of another woman (or two) emailing me...that you contacted on a dating website.  It's always a great way to build trust in a relationship, to join and even PAY for dating websites while you are in a relationship, engaged, and even married. 

Thank you for teaching me that violence isn't always a "last resort" and actually does happen, and not just on lifetime movies. And for the added bonus of being jumpy to noises, people...a million times worse than I ever have been.  The bump/scar on the back of my head is an added bonus too.  Too bad my head into the wall didn't do permanent damage that you have to look at and be reminded of everyday.  That would make me happy.

Oh... please insert the above "thank you's" with "F you's".  Cause, that's what I really mean.  Felt that the sarcasm of "thank you's" was a little bit more appropriate than dropping the F bomb multiple times in one blog??

I'd like to close with one last thank you.  Thank you for introducing me to a band that would lead me to finding the love of my life and best friend.  And no need to change the thank you on this one.  I really mean that one.

Sincerely,

Me.

30 day challenge take 2 / day 10

Day 10: Your best friend.

I consider myself a lucky girl in that I am blessed to have a few people that I would consider my best friends.  To pick just one is nearly impossible.

Since she's heavy in my mind and heart right now, today's post I will talk about my girl, Heather.  Heather and I met through work and became friends quickly.  She and I went through our breakups (well, break up for her, divorce for me) at nearly the exact same time.  We debated moving in together, however me never living completely alone, I decided against it.  However, we decided to move into the same apartment complex, and were even able to get our apartments in the same building.  She's the person I've always been able to tell anything to, and know that she'd give me the truth, straight forward, and her unbiased opinion.  All without judging me.  And visa versa.  We joked a few times that we would be friends forever, because we knew too much blackmail on each other than we simply had no other choice. We went through good times, bad times, drunk times, silly times, hectic times...together.  We even joked at one point that we were gonna put each other down on our facebook page as "in a relationship and it's complicated with ________".  Of course, we never did.  lol. 

We both became in relationships at basically the same time as well.  So once again, we turned to each other for an ear to talk to, bitch to, etc.  (Wait.. me.. bitch?  Nevah!!! hahaha).  The morning that Wayne and I decided for me to come to Australia, we sat in my nearly empty apartment while I started loading the last bit of small stuff and laughed, and cried remembering and talking about all that we went through together in the last year.  Lots of laughs.  Lots of tears.  Some tears were laugh induced.  Ok, a lot of them.  But not all, that's for sure. There truly is a reason why god brings certain people into your life, and I'm blessed that she is in mine, and has been there for me over the past year and a half.

Why is Heather so heavy on my mind and heart?  I got an email from her yesterday telling me that she has cervical cancer.  She is only 24, has no children, literally just bought and moved into a new house LAST WEEK, and is now facing a hysterectomy in the next 2 weeks.  The doctors told her that it's early, stage 1 according to the biopsy.  However they feel that it is worse than what the original biopsy shows.  They've performed another biopsy, but it doesn't appear the outcome of the biopsy will change the hysterectomy verdict, and I predict that will just determine what other measures they need to take.  I ask anyone reading this to please keep my friend and her physicians and surgeons in your prayers.  I hope to be able to talk to her soon, but I can't imagine what she must be going through. 

30 day take 2 / day 9

So, based on the dates on the posts, this is my second post today.  Well, technically.  However, day 8 of the challenge was posted just a tad after midnight.  And in my world, it's not a new day until I go to sleep and wake up.  lol. 

So, 30 day challenge.

Day 9: Your definition of love.

Wow.  That's a big one to try to answer.  Well, without rambling and making sense to nobody else.  I think I'll respond to this challenge with a few quotes about Love?  If you like quotes, my favorite site is www.thinkexist.com.  It's free to join, which I recommend because if you don't, after a few pages it won't let you browse without signing in.  And don't worry, no spam or email.  I've been a registered user for a few years now.  Love it.  You can also easily save quotes for future reference by the click of a mouse.

(disclaimer: I take credit for none of these quotes)

“What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does.”

“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.”

 

“There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”

“Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”

“You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.”

“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”

“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing”

 

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”

30 day take 2 / day 8

Day 8: Something you hate about yourself.

Once I had my own place after my divorce, I found the "obsessions" I had (other than my beloved, Keith of course) I could go forward with.  If I wanted everything to have it's place, then by god, I could.  If I wanted the house to always be neat and tidy and walk in from work ~ and typically a stressful night to a neat and tidy home that had everything put away, and everything in its place, then by god I COULD.  And I did.  I think most nurses, by pure nature, are tidy creatures.  By all means, we almost have to be.  Do you want your nurse to come to you with a crash cart (god forbid) that she has no clue where anything is?  I'm hoping the answer is no.  If not...be careful what you wish for.   

When I was alone, and my self diagnosed "OCD" became worse..who cared?  Now that I'm living with someone, I hate it... and I'm sure he does as well.  I hate feeling that everything needs to have a place and that the things that DO have a place, should be there.  I almost can't even sit through an hour reality TV show without thinking about the dishes that need to be put away, the clothes that need to be hung..and the lettuce in the fridge that needs to be cleaned.  I could go on and on (trust me, my mind is racing as I type this).  And perhaps it's because I'm currently NOT working and actually have the energy to think about these things and actually DO these things.  Perhaps I am, once again, my own worst enemy?  Siggghhhhh.  Who knows.

Ok.  There's the challenge.  Let's move on, shall we?

Today was a great day.  Spent the afternoon with Wayne.  We had lunch at my favorite Asian spot, went to the beach, went and did grocery shopping, came home...then hit the pool before coming in to watch our (ok... my) favorite reality show.  It doesn't take much to become my "favorite" reality show.  Why?  Because, I am NOT a fan of reality TV.  Apparently though...when you are in Australia (and only have about 10 channels to chose from) you quite quickly become a reality TV junkie.  However "My Kitchen Rules" is really a good show.  I think I will try some recipes at some point.   God knows I need some help in the kitchen department considering I've relied on pizzahut.com for the past 12'ish months.  Cooking for 2 people is nothing.   Cooking for one person is...well... honestly too much work, and I couldn't be bothered.  

Tonight was Nurse Jackie Night.  Woohoo.  And now, it's a little after midnight, and I've just discovered "Mercy" is on.  As much as I bitch about it, I think that I really love being a nurse.  And I've never been more excited to start working.  Once the license and Visa and paperwork are all through, of course.  I should be able to complete the applications SOON.  And, the sooner the better.  Even if Wayne were to tell me tomorrow that I wouldn't have to work..  I still would.  Until "roo's" (as Heather calls our future children..lol) are in the picture, I just can't see myself being the girl who doesn't work.  I've worked for the past 14 and a half years.  So while most people tell me how jealous they are they at the moment I'm not working, I actually have never felt more unproductive in my life.  I'm also looking forward to the chances that work will allow me to meet new people.  God knows that nurses and other nurses are great friends.. We love griping to each other about our days.  And to be honest, nobody understands another nurse...quite like another nurse.

Well, I guess I'm off to finish the night and this episode of Mercy.  Love to all..