So, I've continued with "mission chick tv day", and am happy to report it has been a SUCCESS. Just watched the finale of The Bachelorette. Yeah, we are just a couple months behind in that series here in Australia. I researched that apparently Ashley and JP are living together in New York? Sweet. I had heard they broke up, but apparently not? Not that it really matters or affects anyones life other than theirs? But, hey, if I commit 2 hours of my Sunday to watch your finale, the least you can do is commit to stay together long enough that I don't feel like I've wasted my Sunday? Is that too much to ask for, Hollywood?? IS IT?? (lol) Jk...are am I???? ;)
Anyways, I came across some old blog entries that I wanted to copy and paste. As I've mentioned, I have a couple of old blogs and I sometimes scan them for some of the random quotes, news articles, and things of that nature that I want to copy/paste to this blog. However, it usually takes more time to scan through than I usually care to donate. So, as part of chick tv day, I scanned through while watching tv...and am sharing the following 2 random blog entries. Both of these are from my blog from the year 2006. Funny how 5 years later, they still make me giggle.....
Title: As I mature. (author unknown)
I have learned you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I have learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned the people you care most about in this world are taken away far too soon.. and the less important ones seem to never go away."
I have learned you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I have learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned the people you care most about in this world are taken away far too soon.. and the less important ones seem to never go away."
Quotes about being a Women (author unknown)
"Remember in old movies when women used to swoon and "take to the bed" for days at a time? That never happens. We're stronger than that. That being said, if we ever decide to "take to the bed" for days at a time, there's not a thing you can do about it.
Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness.
Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.
We do like to have sex, just not at midnight when we have to get up at the crack of dawn to feed two kids, three dogs, and a pair of fat goldfish.
Women really do want to be on time. It's just that everything starts so darned early.
We know high heels are sexy, but we'll take our comfy black Uggs any day of the week.
Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego.
Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.
Women remember everything . Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")
An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.
No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)
Women hear better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.
You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.
We need a plan. We don't feel comfortable winging it. We need the specifics of what's going on and who's going to be there. That way we know what to wear.
We like to be kissed, and the kiss doesn't always need to be a prelude to sex. We love the surprise kisses. Gift kisses. An out-of-the-blue kiss while we're watering plants or peeling potatoes.
Confucius say: He who gets teary eyed in a sad movie is sensitive, but he who audibly sobs is a weenie.
We say underwear, just as men do. Women never say panties, and neither should you, except under the rarest of circumstances, and maybe not even then. Likewise, the garment we wear on top is called a bra. When possible, please refrain from making a sound effect like boing! when we remove it.
Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness.
Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.
We do like to have sex, just not at midnight when we have to get up at the crack of dawn to feed two kids, three dogs, and a pair of fat goldfish.
Women really do want to be on time. It's just that everything starts so darned early.
We know high heels are sexy, but we'll take our comfy black Uggs any day of the week.
Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego.
Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.
Women remember everything . Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")
An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.
No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)
Women hear better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.
You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.
We need a plan. We don't feel comfortable winging it. We need the specifics of what's going on and who's going to be there. That way we know what to wear.
We like to be kissed, and the kiss doesn't always need to be a prelude to sex. We love the surprise kisses. Gift kisses. An out-of-the-blue kiss while we're watering plants or peeling potatoes.
Confucius say: He who gets teary eyed in a sad movie is sensitive, but he who audibly sobs is a weenie.
We say underwear, just as men do. Women never say panties, and neither should you, except under the rarest of circumstances, and maybe not even then. Likewise, the garment we wear on top is called a bra. When possible, please refrain from making a sound effect like boing! when we remove it.
Before you accuse a woman of being bitchy, walk a mile in her shoes. Her pointy-toed, high-heeled, impossibly uncomfortable shoes. One more thing about the shoes: Most of them hurt too much to wear for too long. So, yes, we really do need that many pairs. (And, accordingly, you need us to have them.)
Sometimes we love you way more than we love ourselves.
The smell of sweat is sexy within reason. Nuzzling your neck when you come home from the gym: sexy. Getting trapped in your armpit after you've played eighteen holes in 90 degree heat: not sexy.
Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends.
I know it's 2006, and believe me when I say that a woman can more than stand on her own. Nevertheless, we still love it when, every so often, you take control. Without stepping on our toes.
We do have a sixth sense. Women, like Santa Claus, know when you've been bad or good. So you know what to do . . . for goodness' sake. "
Sometimes we love you way more than we love ourselves.
The smell of sweat is sexy within reason. Nuzzling your neck when you come home from the gym: sexy. Getting trapped in your armpit after you've played eighteen holes in 90 degree heat: not sexy.
Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends.
I know it's 2006, and believe me when I say that a woman can more than stand on her own. Nevertheless, we still love it when, every so often, you take control. Without stepping on our toes.
We do have a sixth sense. Women, like Santa Claus, know when you've been bad or good. So you know what to do . . . for goodness' sake. "
Hope you enjoyed a little giggle today or tonight....whatever time it is you are reading this, wherever in the world you are reading it from.
