Weekend Back in Kentucky....

So, had these great and awesome agenda during this visit at the folks....

Sleep, shower, pool, shower, dinner, sleep, shower, pool...... you kinda get the picture?  Ok, so mother nature's cooperation??  Non existent.  Rain, thunderstorms, sirens, repeat.  Not. A. Fan.  And of course tomorrow is my last full day here.  And the forecast? Scattered rain and storms.  Well awesome.  Oh well, have had a great time catching up with my niece, mom, and dad.  I don't think I've laughed as much in the last few weeks as I have the last few days with my niece.  It's sooo hard to believe she is an ADULT, and about to start college!??!!  Mom and I came across some baby and young pictures of her tonight.. I said "ahh...look how much cuter she was when she couldn't talk"  hahaha.  But those pictures of her seriously seem like they were just yesterday!

Speaking of dad's... happy fathers day to my dad, John!!!  I posted my status as the following on FB, and figured that I'd copy and paste it.. yeah, I'm lazy tonight.. lol...

"Notice how Maury says you are or are not the father? Why? Simple. Father is DNA. Dad is **soo** much more. So blessed to have the dad I do who has been here and supported and loved me regardless. I love you so much! Happy fathers day to all you DADS out there despite DNA. :)"

My dad and niece headed to Florida this morning to move the first load of stuff into my parents new house.  The house here in Kentucky hasn't sold yet, but considering the price, location, land, and shape, it certainly won't take long.  It's so hard to believe the house I grew up in will soon be someone else's.  Sadface.  But, cant' expect them to stay here just for my own selfish reasons.  Well, I can still pout a little though, right? lol

I also got out my old desktop tonight and am currently transferring pictures onto my external hard drive.  1994 pictures total.  Wow.  It's pictures from like 1999/2000 until about 2009?  Wow.  I can't wait to see some of these pictures....lol.  I'll certainly post a few I'm sure.  I already saw one from 2005 from when I got a massage and then soaked by the rain.. CRAZY hair.  Made me LOL a little.

Well, I guess I'm gonna head to my nice comfy bed.  Two more nights in my awesome bed.  Sigh....  oh well, gotta make the dough!

Hope everyone is doing awesome.  Until next time...

A message to you... yes.. YOU

I am so happy we have decided to spend this life together.  I want you to listen to this song, and read the lyrics.  I was searching for the lyrics and found this video...left me in tears, and only one person in the ENTIRE world will know why...and that's you.  I love you baby.

Life... is.... good.

So, in the last week or so, I've had a work experience (can't go into because of hipaa) that has confirmed I was born to be a Nurse.  I love being a nurse, and this experience is causing me to look to the future as far as the nurse I want to be.  Again, this isn't the place due to hippa to go into much, but as the quote says "my cup runneth over".  And my cup does. 

My personal life is falling into place, and life with my love is falling perfectly into place.  In the past 10 months, we have been through so much... but as we have decided..ya know.. what relationship HASN'T had it's fair share of problems.  We've faced, head on mind you, all the normal relationship troubles, PLUS the added 11K miles in distance.  Yes.  11 THOUSAND miles.  And there have been so many days that either of us could have said "F" it, and realized the easiest option would be to simply walk away.  Hell, we wouldn't run into each other.  Wouldn't encounter each other.  And while we had mutual friends through Seven Mary Three, we don't share best friends or super close friends.  But at the end of the day, the easy way seemed like the hard way in comparison to fighting for what we wanted.  Which is each other.  A life, a future, and family together.  Oh lord help me, spawn of the Aussie???  I think I'm making my own prison here, eh?? (what?? oh..people can actually read this?? shit.)  I mean.... Hi..... :)

haha.. just kidding.

Ok.  So....one of my favorite chick flicks is "The Wedding Date".  There are three quotes from that movie I'd like to share... (me... post quotes?!?! nooooo.....lol  ;) )  which to me are appropriate for this time of my life.  And believe it or not, no song/lyrics.... only a clear picture of the future ahead.. one filled with laughter, love, (probably a little frustration) family and friendship.  Hey, the best relationships start as friends afterall, right? :)

"I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else"

" The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back."

(step father to daughter) (which is special to me for personal reasons...)

"It probably wouldn't have
worked out anyway, huh?
I remember reading a fascinating articIe
in the New York Times Magazine once,
where this guy said,
''Every woman has
the exact Love life she wants.''

You know what? I agree with him

But I refuse to believe

that this is what you want.

Ever since you were littIe

you've aIways worriedabout what other peopIe think.Now, come on. What do you think?Is he the guy for you?

Then go and get him."

Wow....

It's amazing how your life can change in 24 hrs, just when you think you've accepted "reality"..you find out it's not reality at all.  It's funny how one conversation can make you so excited, and terrified all at the same time. 

Watch this.... if you want.  Youtube on blogger will NOT pull up the video on blogger, no matter what I do.. stupid technology.  Friends is one of my favorite shows, and this is one of my favorite episodes, and it's been on my mind tonight for some reason.

Wait! Last time I knocked technology, I lost Internet.  Dear Internet Gods, I'm sorry, and I love you.....

Ok, so that is the cutest video ever, yes?  lol.  Fitting for my Internet god love/hate relationship... and other things.

Closing on a song... shocker???  I think this has turned into a lyric blog???? lol



Mid week song....

Sitting and waiting in the airport with my bags and my thoughts.

Well, I board the plane to head back to Maryland here in about 40 minutes.  I've had a really nice visit with family and a few of my closest friends this weekend.  I barely remember the first two days because of the pain meds and muscle relaxers.  Such a blur.  I don't see how people take those and function!! Good lord, going from the couch to the bed took a little bit of patience and planning.  And I typically dozed off in the middle of the planning.  I was worried when I went off of them whether or not I would be able to sleep normally again (a battle I've been fighting since going off Ambien) and I am happy to report that I have had no problems getting back to sleep.

I really feel like I'm at this sort of crossroad at the moment.  Do I follow my heart, or my mind?  The one good thing about being home was the ability to talk to some of my family and friends who always give me good advice..... and are straight forward and honest, even when it hurts.  The type of friends who tell you "that isn't a good color on you", or the type that let you know when you have something hanging out of your nose.  (lol).   You know, the true friends.  That love you regardless but have no problem telling you how it is... no problem saying "quit being a bitch" and things of that nature.  The type of friends I wouldn't trade for a thing in this world.  And if they are reading this, they know I'm talking about them.  And if I don't tell you enough, I love you for being my friend.

So, the crossroad.  Last night, in my last night in my nice comfy supportive bed (which I will miss dearly!) I thought I'd search online for advice.  I know what my head says.  I know what my heart says.  I know what my family says.  And I know what my dear friends say.  What would an outsider say?  I came across a website called "Baggage Claim" and read this article.  And to quote the article...

"Here’s the thing: Waiting around for someone to make up their mind about you, to dignify you with contact, a relationship, decency, a change of self or whatever, devalues you. If you’ve been living your life in limbo waiting around, you’re breaking a fundamental personal boundary that will erode at your self-esteem"

Wow..  even used the word Limbo.  You know how I have posted about signs?? This spoke to me.  And it made me wonder.  If I know that I love someone and want to be with them, if they can't tell me the same in return, am I wasting my time lost in hope?  Am I foolish? 

Then I read the following words...

"You’re better than waiting to be chosen – in healthy relationships, you mutually choose each other and get on with it."

Although this is great advice, it hasn't caused me overnight to make a decision, but it has pushed me towards the point to where I feel if a decision isn't made I have no choice but to make my own.  As much as it hurts me to think of the future without him, I can't ignore all the words of wisdom I've been told and read.  Do I really want to be with someone who doesn't *know* if they want to be with me?

Insert cool, witty title here...

On Monday night at work, I managed to hurt my back/hip.  Long story, but by Tues night I was in so much pain.  I couldn't get comfortable.  All I could do is lay there and cry.  No position made it OK, and living on the 3rd floor of an apartment building was pure misery.  And I was all alone, with nobody nearby to help me.  That evening I ended up forcing myself down the 3 miserable flights of stairs, into my car and drove myself to the hospital.  End result?   Pinched nerve with a possible slipped disc.  Didn't do any xrays because an xray will only show the bones and after examining me the doctor felt it wasn't bone related, just nerve/disc.  So if I continue to have problems then next week I am to go back to a doctor and possibly have an MRI.  After that?  Who knows.  It is starting to feel a LITTLE better thanks to some medication.  I was suppose to Fly to Kentucky on Friday (tomorrow) but when I was out of work and down in my back, I called Delta and for a little bit of money they were able to put me on a flight yesterday morning.  So, I'm home in my own nice bed (unlike the p.o.s. bed in the apartment) with help from my family.  I haven't left the house, hell, I've hardly left the couch or bed.  It is slightly improving though.  I'm hoping for things to be different tomorrow.  And I'm really nervous and scared about the "what ifs"  Sometimes being a nurse is bad.  Knowledge is power, sure.  But sometimes knowing what you may be facing is worse than being oblivious to what may be ahead.

After the past nearly 2 weeks, it was good to be home.  It's been nice to spend time with my family (when I wasn't sedated from the medicines, of course).  They and I have had time to process everything that is going on in all aspects of my life and their life and future life.  I even had the first serious conversation with my dad about relationships.  Was nice to have a heart to heart with him.

Well, I can feel some medication kicking in, and it's 10:30 p.m.  So I guess I will stop for now.  Got a big weekend ahead with my niece's high school graduation on Sunday, and catching up with one of my Best Friends on Saturday evening.  It's nice to be home without a huge agenda.  Oh, and the pool is open and the water is nice and warm. 

Gonna end with a quote... doesn't surprise you, does it? 

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
~Bob Marley