Maximum emotional capacity.

I have it!

This has been such an emotional week for me.   Let me hit on the points.....

My dear friend and mentor has died. 

Because of the distance, there is no way for me to attend this funeral, although I wish I could.

My dad is currently mowing the "back 40" for the last time as I type this.

My parents close on their house... aka, my "home" on Monday.

Yeah, the second part is me being selfish... yeah, I know.  I get that.  But does that make it easier?  And yes, I live in Australia.  I can't expect everyone else to stay the same while I drastically change.  I totally get that.  It's just this part of me that always invisioned taking my kids to their house... to grandma and grandpa's house.  "your play room is where I use to sleep".  I always thought would be the case.  And I'm so happy they are doing what makes them happy.  Cause hell, I'm doing what makes me happy so why should anyone else do anything any different????

Today is Denise's visitation.  I so wish I could attend.  I miss her so much already.  I've become "Friends" with her daughter on facebook, and she and I have passed numerous messages.  She is my age.  Wow.  All these years I've been so close to Denise, I never thought of her as being someone who could be my "mom".  Crazy.  Despite age, Denise had such a young spirit.  Younger than me most days.  I miss her so much already and it's only been 2 days.

My vow is to make sure to be the nurse Denise would be proud of.  And now, I know that she can see my blog directly (that is...if heaven has wifi...lol)

Denise...
I hope I make you proud
I hope that I am HALF the nurse you trained me to be, and the nurse that you would be proud to say "she was my duckling".
Please, always guide my terrified hands and fearful brain, as I know YOU would know what I should do.

Until next time...