Long time no blog!

I can't believe it's been so long since I lost blogged!

I'm now 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  Little guy/girl is an active little booger these days and has discovered my bladder.  It must be great fun to push or jump on because that's a very common occurrence! lol.  The all day sickness stopped FINALLY...about 2 weeks ago.  I had a really bad day with nausea yesterday but I did not puke, so that's a win!  I'm quickly learning that if I over do it, especially at work, I pay for it.  It seems to take 2 days to recover from one VERY busy day.   In the next couple of weeks I will be slightly lowering my hours at work to see if that helps me as well.

Wayne has been amazing.  I have been very limited on being able to cook/clean due to being sick or sensitive to smells (I'll touch that one in a bit).  It's been an adjustment for me, mostly mentally, feeling like a failure as a wife (as I previously blogged) but him stepping up, not complaining about having to do more than his fair share around the house, running for random cravings, back rubs, foot rubs, etc has really been an amazing thing and so much appreciated.  I don't know how single mom's do it.  I would be lost without him.

So, since there isn't really much to report on.... which is a good thing at the moment... I thought I would take a moment to do a little blog within a blog.    The rest of this blog is titled

"The shit they DON'T tell you about pregnancy"

There's a great book called "What to expect when you are expecting".  It's like a bible if you are pregnant.  And while some of this is written there, it's almost more along the lines of fine print sometimes.  So here's the parts of pregnancy I have learned that I feel people leave out when discussing the "greatest" time of your life.... (please note the sarcasm)  (and this may be an ongoing "series" in my pregnancy and into motherhood... someone's gotta call this shit how it is!)

1.  Peeing

This is not just the very beginning or the end.  I have yet to sleep all night since finding out I was pregnant without pee breaks.  And they are more and more common and intense.  Last week I was worried I had a UTI.  Surely it's not normal?  Nope.  Totally is.  And as baby becomes active he/she thinks it's a trampoline.  I thought I was going to pee my pants at 5pm in rush hour this week.

2.  Mood swings

Sure.  These aren't really that secretive.  They don't tell you the intensity of them though, and that you turn into a freakin' honey badger (ya know, honey badger don't care!)  I either cry at silly stuff (which I do in private/secret more than public or hope my husband is looking at me) or snap.  Last week a few people on facebook had pissed me off, and well, the sensor is gone.  Not that I ever had a very STRONG sensor between my brain and my mouth.  But, now?   It doesn't even exist.  I can sometimes hear the attitude flowing out of my mouth, but honey badger lets it roll.

3.  Acne

Shouldn't we outgrow this shit as a teen anyways?  Why for the love of god must my face look like I'm 15 again?  And if you are using creams, becareful NOT to tell ANYONE this, because then the unsolicited advice about how acne creams cause babies to be born with tentacles and horns begins.

4.  Unsolicited Advice.

Now, I've touched this before, but it's worth discussing again.  Let me start off by saying if someone who has been there and done that has some advice that really helped them.... for the love of god share the wisdom.  If you are a man, or have never had a person growing inside you, something you heard about that a friends friends sister posted on pinterest is really of no interest to me.  Or saying that you don't need maternity clothes with the way modern clothes are designed (again, from someone without a baby or pregnancy history).  Or a man saying that you have been sick because you are stressed.  Or someone saying because THEY needed a c-section... YOU will need a c-section.  Or that because the doctors have told me conception would be difficult and it wasn't, that I should prepare mentally because this will "PROBABLY" be my only child.   Or discussing friends who had miscarriages or still born babies.  Ain't nobody got time for that...especially this honey badger.

5.  Sense of smell

This is wicked.  The smallest foul smell smells so horrible you think you will die.   Food smells soooo good when you want to eat, but when you are nauseated, someone can open a loaf of bread two houses down and set off the nausea.  Seriously.  I have joked about becoming a drug dog.  True story.  2 weeks ago we went to a food festival in the city.  We were BEHIND a food truck (couldn't see what the menu was or anything).  Wayne smelled and said "smells like roast...."   I smelled and said "nope... that's..... cheese fries, cheeseburgers, and MAYBE hotdogs...."  It was cheesefries and burgers.  I actually amazed myself.  And here, cheese fries aren't a common thing at all.  Going into a shopping mall is odd.  You get smells from the stores and then the lovely body odor off random strangers.  Yum. Not.....  And don't even get me started on public toilets.

6.  Food cravings

While this isn't really a surprise, what is surprising is that they aren't always the STRANGE combinations you hear about.  For a few weeks all I wanted was chicken mcnuggets from McDonalds.  Not anywhere else.  not store bought, McDonalds.  (wtf kiddo???).  Or pizza with banana peppers (which is a food we don't even have here....).  Chocolate bunny ears.  Just the ears.

7.  Movement

Finalllllllly feeling the baby move is an amazing thing.  At first it's sooooo subtle that unless you are really focusing on it, you may not even realise you are feeling it. Once you do, you lay in certain positions in hopes for that little flutter again.  Once they become stronger, you don't have to be feeling for it.  Hell, you can be asleep, and you will know the baby is awake...because you too will be awake.   It's not always comfortable places/locations that the baby decides to go nuts on.  Cervix, bladder.... anything is fair game.  And still have four months of crazy baby in-utero aerobics to go.  I had no clue how intense the movement was.  Wow.

So there are 7 of MANY things they don't tell you about pregnancy.  There will be more to come... I'm sure of it.  I could type more now but... I'm tired and may take a nap.  lol 

Blog for venting

I will just warn you that this blog isn't my happiest blog, so if you aren't up for reading a pregnant woman whinge, might as well move on now.  You have been warned.

I'm 17weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I am STILL having vomiting, pains from adhesion's have resurfaced, food aversions, still no weight gain (and still 4 kilos below starting weight - 8.8 lbs).  I was back at the doctor on Wednesday with my long list of problems.  Things that I was concerned about because there's no way all of these are normal.  Only to be told every single thing was part of pregnancy.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that everything is fine, and when we do the quick peek scan at the doctor, for those 20-30 seconds, everything is perfectly in perspective.  Those are moments of pure bliss.  Seeing our little miracle moving around, and comparing the image to previous to see how MUCH he or she has grown.. well, it's just amazing.  I love this little rascal so much already.  I'm just sick and tired of being sick.  Everyone gives their two cents and everyone likes to tell me "oh, I stopped the vomiting at 12 weeks" or "Oh, I had such easy pregnancies".  Everyone seems to talk about how easy they had it or how the symptoms I'm still battling disappeared for them at the end of the first trimester.  It's like nobody talks about the bad shit in pregnancy, and it seems like a taboo topic.  One on pregnancy message board I read some women get SLAMMED for complaining about these things because of the women who can't conceive.  Which, as soon as I read that, I instantly feel like shit because I know there are women who would happily puke their guts up daily and would possibly assume I'm not thankful for the pregnancy.  Which is far from truth.  I'm thankful for the pregnancy and baby.  I just want a few weeks where I can feel normal.  I'm having daily emotional breakdowns (in nurse fashion when I'm alone) because I feel like a failure as a mother already.

Speaking of failing.  I also have only worked one day this week.  So I know when I do return to work next week, there will be tons of crap to clean up, and unhappy doctors and workers who from the moment I hit the door will hunt me down to complain about X,Y, and Z.  One will make comments to me that I think I'm the only person who's ever been pregnant and a few other hurtful comments.  And what is hurtful is that one person use to be my biggest support system at work and I viewed as a close friend as well.  Now it feels like all he cares to do is kick me when I'm down.  I'm trying to focus on me and the baby and our health, so I can't always be at work when I'm sick and trying to get better.  But yet, I'm made to feel like shit at work because I'm focusing on myself, not on the office.

And the failing continues.  I feel like a failure at home.  All I want to do is lie in bed and make the nausea better.  Walking around and doing much when I'm super nauseated just makes me super dizzy, which makes the nausea worse... it's a vicious cycle.  I go to bed some nights around 8:30/9:00 (I just want to lay down and be comfortable, but none of the furniture in the living room allows the comfort I want).  On those nights I just lay in bed and cry because I feel all alone.  I feel like I don't get to spend time with my husband and it's my own fault because I'm feeling like crap.  Because I feel like crap I know I've been moodier and crabbier than ever (I'm sure the hormones really don't help that) and then I feel like crap for that.  The house hasn't had my full detail and attention in I don't know how long.  I look around at things I know need to be done.  How can this be anything but being a failure as a wife when I can't even stomach the smell of the dishwasher without puking?

And again... failing as a friend.  I've had a very heartbreaking week.  I've had a friend who has withdrawn from me since November...right after our wedding.  After much effort of trying to get together and asking what was wrong... and wracking my brain on what could have caused the distance, I broke down and sent an email (because face to face hasn't worked and neither has texting) saying how I was concerned.  The answers I got in reply were nothing I ever expected to hear from her, or a friend for that matter.  I had joked with her she needed to have a baby with me (and always said I understood her reasons for not wanting one for a few years.. it was always a joke.. you know, like when people get married they ask their friends who are dating when are they getting married.) and that apparently was the first reason she was distant.  The other was because she felt like I discussed the pregnancy and it's not something she can relate to so we are just in different points in our lives.  The way I see it, if we only had friends in the same stages of life that we are in, we'll be having to get new friends every few years and nobody will ever have a life long friend.  I am really really hurt by this.  I think of all the times I have been there for her, even when things were going on I couldn't relate to.  Isn't that what friends do?  And plus, I've only seen her four times since becoming pregnant.  I haven't had an easy pregnancy, and the bulk of my friends are back in the states.  So, if you can't talk about your fears and concerns and life with one of your "best friends", who the hell are you suppose to talk about it to?  Another one of our friends (who has been around most of the times I have seen her) has said to me she strongly disagrees, that I don't discuss the pregnancy the entire time or go over board.  I guess this has been the straw that has broken the pregnant camel's back.  I'm so sick of seasonal friends.  Friends who turn their back on you at a time in your life when you need them.  And I certainly didn't turn my back on her on any of the MANY times she needed me.  So, why am I getting this in return?  It's been very conflicting on what to do or how to handle it.  I emailed her back and put the ball in her court.  As of now, no response, which makes me feel like that itself is her answer.

So there ya have it.  Friendship.  Marriage.  Parenting.  Career.  I feel like I'm failing at every aspect in my life at the moment and it just sucks.

10 things.....

Instead of doing a recap, I figured I would focus again on 10 random events/facts from the week.

1.  Having two days in a row of NO nausea medicine and NO vomiting makes you feel like a million dollars.  No food aversions either.  I now know how great I feel when I'm NOT sick.  And I love it.  I felt like my old self (just with bigger boobs and a bigger stomach..lol) and really enjoyed time with my husband, and riding in a car without plotting "if I puke right now......"  lol

2.  Looking back on OLD blogs (no, you may not have the links, because I just deleted two of them) makes me feel like April now doesn't know April then.  At all.  It's like I'm reading the journal of a stranger.  And this is in a good way.  

3.  I am getting impatient waiting to feel baby move on a regular basis.  Am certain I felt the baby move, but nothing regular and only twice about 30 seconds apart.  Heartbeat is good though (155-165 beats per minute), but I wanna feel the little booger.

4.  You can only be as good of a friend as you are allowed.  I know I made this comment in my last random list post, but it's worth discussing again!  This isn't the place to go into it, but for real.  I'm kinda over it, and it makes me quite sad.  If someone continues to try to be there for you and you continue to push them away, do not be surprised when you one day realise they aren't there.  Perhaps that sounds cold hearted?  But it's how I feel.

5.  One of the worst parts about living so far from home is when shit goes down you CANNOT physically be there every time.  My best friend has been GUTTED by a guy, and I just wish I could just physically be there for the people I love sometime.  I know I can never again live in ONE place and have everyone there together.  I know this.  When I'm there I miss the people here, and when I'm here I miss the people there.  There is NO fixing it.  Just wish sometimes I could be physically there for someone when they need me.  Especially my best friend.  The first message she sent me when things went wrong was "I need my best friend".  I broke into tears, because I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw that, and no matter what it was, the best I could offer was a voice and texts (since I was at work).

6.  Pregnancy cravings are CRAZY!  This week's hot item was spring rolls (aka egg rolls).  Seriously, could not get enough.  Once I hit a certain "in-take level" (lol) I'm good.  Don't even mention them.  I want nothing to do with them.  lol. 

7.  Pregnancy EXHAUSTION is intense.  It's 8:30p.m. on a Saturday night.  At 7:00 I calculated "if I go to bed RIGHT now, chances are I will wake up at........ 5 or 6 am.... no thanks".  So have forced myself to stay up so that I won't be up early in the morning, but it's painful.  I am so exhausted, I just want to go to sleep.

8.  I LOVE this time of year in Perth.  Nice warm days... but not hot at all.  Cool evenings to where when the windows are open, come sunset you need a blanket or sweat pants, but it's not COLD.  Just a nip/coolness to the air.  Not to mention, you don't feel like you will DIE of heat exhaustion! lol

9.  People should really think before they speak.  This week one of my employees asked me "Aren't you scared of giving birth?"   I thought about it, and while yes, the idea is a little frightening, at the end of the day there are only 2 ways this baby comes out... delivery or c-section, so for now, I'm not stressing.  So I replied "Nah, has to come out one way or another,  so why stress it now?"   She then said (all panicky...) "yeah, but what if you get ripped?   What if they have to cut you open?  Can you imagine how much that will hurt?  And if they have to do stitches, won't those hurt when they put them in and when they are there for two weeks?  Like, won't it burn?"  UMMMM..... What DAFUQ did you just say?  Never utter those words to a pregnant woman. Ever.  We have enough shit filling our brain with fear and anxiety, don't add to it.  Thanks.

10.  Not only can I watch the same movie over, and over, and over (as previously discussed) I catch myself "wondering" what's gonna happen.  Will it all be ok?   Will he be caught?  WTF is wrong with me?  lol.  I can sit here and quote every line, word for word, but still have the same excitement as if I have no CLUE that Johnny will walk up and say "nobody puts baby in the corner" and get all gitty inside when he says it and takes her on stage.   And yes, I'm watching "Dirty Dancing" as I blog.  Don't judge.

Until next time.... love, peace, and hair grease.  ;)

Ex-pat Blog challenge; Monthly Prompt

So the expat challenge.. ya know, the one I EPICALLY failed (being sick and pregnant meant everything in my life was behind... the blog was certainly no exception!)?  Well, everyone enjoyed participating (even those of us who failed) so the fb page is doing a monthly prompt.  Surely I can do that, I thought.  However, with my normal April fashion, I'm a day behind!

Anyways, here's the prompt for this month's challenge!

Prompt for Wednesday 12 March (whenever that is for you!).

Please write on the topic of "advice."
Have you ever been given some life-changing advice? Or terrible advice? Or given it? Maybe you'd like to share some advice to someone making the expat move to your neck of the woods.
 
Advice.  Have given plenty.  Some good, some probably horrible.  I've been given lots of advice.  Some good, some really shitty.  ("did you REALLY just say that?" is the response I really want to give sometimes!)

So when thinking of how to approach this prompt, lots of advice comes to mind. 
 
I think one of the greatest pieces of advice I ever received, that I NEVER believed was about my classmates in middle/high school.  I was picked on and not popular at school.  Between my weight up and down, no boobs that turned overnight into MASSIVE boobs (picked on for both), glasses, being shy..... oh, and having an AWESOME last name that can be turned into "paperweight" when you are chubby and "prostitute" when your boobs SPROUT overnight.  It was a fun childhood.  But I remember my mom telling me that one day, these people won't matter.  Don't worry about what they think, you won't even know who they are or where they are in five years time.

I remember thinking she was so crazy.  These people were the people I would see the rest of my life.  We would all surely end up at the same college, and we would all NEVER leave the town we lived.  We would become the generation that filled all the various roles in the community.  All my fellow classmates who wanted to become nurses as well... we would all end up working side by side at the local hospital.  Their kids would be popular, and my kids would be picked on by their popular kids.  It was history that would just repeat itself.  So of COURSE I was worried about the opinions of these people.  They were in my life FOREVER.

Oh.  To be a teenager and not see the world as it really was.  Thanks to facebook, I can now search and find the people that made my life somewhat miserable at school.  (And thankfully back then, we didn't have social media or cell phones.  When you went home, you were home and NOBODY bothered you.  You were safe from the bullshit)  Recently I got a friend request from one of "those" girls who were mean to me in high school.  I did what anyone would do..... scrolled through what photos of hers I could view on her profile, and to my delight there were hundreds of FB posts as her profile wasn't on lock down.  I took a lot of pride in declining her friend request...... TWICE.  And when I recently cleaned out a lot of my FB friends (see last post) I realised over time a lot of the people I accepted as "Friends" on facebook, had never spoken a friendly word to me in my life.  Why the HELL do I want to keep up with you on Facebook? 

Without social media, I would have no clue where basically ANYONE from high school is.  Mom was right.  Those people really don't matter.  I will really try to teach our kids this.. but I'm sure it'll be like me.  What do parents know anyways, right?  haha

Professionally, I would say the best advice I ever heard was my beloved nursing instructor, Denise (and I can't believe we are almost at her 2 year death anniversary.  Love and miss her so much) to my best nursing school friend, Jodi.  Jodi has a real germ phobia and wore gloves for everything.  Still does.  Was an ongoing joke between me and her.  One day, she put on gloves and put out her hands to shake a patients hand as she introduced herself.  Denise gave her a look I'll never forget.  She didn't say anything, but like most good moms, she didn't need to. The "mom" look shot at Jodi said it all.

Denise let us finish what we were doing (whatever it was, lord I sure don't remember) and in the hallway she said "So, Jodi, what did you do wrong?"  Puzzled she said "I'm not sure, what did I do?"  "You put on gloves to shake their hand?"  Still puzzled, she looked and said "yeah?"  "Honey, that's someones mamma or granny.  What are you gonna catch from shaking their hand?".   Now, as a nurse, there are times that ANY contact with a patient you need to wear gloves (certain infections for example).  But this person didn't have anything like that.  And that really hit home, and is still something I use in my practice.  There are times I find myself irritated or annoyed with someone and I truly can feel Denise kick me in the ass and say "That's someones mamma!" and it totally changes my attitude.  And in the end, it totally changes the patients outcome and experience.  That advice alone has made me a better nurse.  Experiencing Denise made me a better nurse, and a better person.  It's amazing how much impact one person can have on our lives.   I hope one day I will have that impact on someone.  I just wish I had told her how I felt. But I guess that's for another blog entry on another day.

Night folks!

 

A Monday that wasn't horrible??

Shut the front door!  I keep waiting for one of the following to happen following a smooth (but busy) Monday, and feeling pretty well most the day (tired now, but otherwise good!)

1.  Ashton Kutcher to jump out and inform me I've been punked.  Mondays seriously never go THIS smooth.  I'm guessing everyone has been in on it......  

2.  My alarm clock to go off.  This is a dream.  This MUST be a dream, and I will soon wake up.

3.  Notification that hell has frozen over.

I'm pretty sure that the last will come..... any...minute....now..........

It wasn't that today was overly smooth.  Monday after being out of my office Thursday and Friday last week while I worked as a nurse, add payroll for the fortnight, weekly reporting, pain in the you-know-what people arguing (seriously, I'm pregnant.. you aren't gonna win, and being a jerk isn't gonna get you anywhere... and it REALLY won't motivate me to "help you out" after you have thrown a bitch fit..just for future reference...), major chaos... but it just seemed to go so smoothly.  I felt really organised.. oh! oh! oh!  And I didn't puke!  It's amazing how much awesome THAT adds to your day!  (although the day isn't over with yet, but we'll be optimistic and call it a win?!?!)

Anyways, I'm sure it'll make up for it and the rest of the week will suck my will to live.  But a productive and happy Monday?  I'll totally take it.

So, in the past I posted about my "gut feeling" about the baby being a girl.  Well, actually originally I thought it was a boy.  Must be a boy.  But at around 8 weeks, I had this strange feeling that it MUST be a girl.  Even would refer to bubs as "She" and corrected my husband and best friend when they called baby a boy.  "SHE is good" for example, would be my answer when asked "how's he doing?" lol.  Well, not sure why, but the gut feeling has gone BACK to boy.  Seriously?  We aren't finding out the sex because Wayne has always said he wanted a surprise.  And since he's puking all the time and experiencing so many body changes, I figured the least I could do was give him his wish........  totally kidding.  But yeah, Wayne has always wanted a surprise.  He told me I could find out the sex as long as I could keep it a secret (which I may have mentioned on here already) but who are we kidding?  That's not likely to happen.  Like, ever.  Anyways, I'm so curious to see WHICH of my gut feelings has been right.  Hell, we know ONE of them is right, right?????

I will be 16 weeks on Wednesday.  The pregnancy seems to be going by both fast AND slow at the same time. I had one day where I was CERTAIN I felt the baby move twice.  Not like anything I've ever felt.. almost like a worm rolling over or something?  Hard to describe.  Same spot and occurred about 30 seconds apart.  Anyways, I have yet to feel anything again, but I can't wait until movement is part of my daily routine (and I'm sure I'll regret that when I'm not sleeping because baby is playing "let's turn mum's bladder into a trampoline" all night....lol.)  But right now, I'm not really showing, but all my pants are getting snug.  I'm not sick all the time, but I am sick enough to be over it.  I am not hormonal all the time, but there are a lot of times I don't even want to be in the room with myself.  I am not in puberty, but my face sure is freaking the shit out and breaking out in acne LIKE a teenager.  My boobs are bigger (no con to this one other than busting out of bras isn't the sexiest look! lol)  I know I'm pregnant, but there are times it still doesn't feel real.  And hey, maybe until I hear him/her cry in the delivery room, it won't "feel" real?  But I just feel like some sort of reminders, like feeling baby moving, would make all this feel real, and not like a three month long hangover and post-Christmas "bloat".    Don't get me wrong, I'm so over the moon that we are pregnant. After all the comments from doctors on how difficult it was going to be to conceive, for this to have happened so fast and natural, there just aren't words to explain how grateful I am for this miracle!  But hey, you all know my patience level.... which is like negative fourty bazillion!

Anyways, off to finish the Monday off.  Is 7pm too early for bed?  I'm sleepy!   

Hope Monday treats everyone well out there!  Until next time....

Randomness...

Because, well, I'm random.

Here's 10 things I learned this week:

1.  I CAN go to IKEA without buying a THING!  (ONLY because I didn't have the credit card or someone to do the heavy lifting for me).

2.  I accept way too many friend requests on Facebook.  Last night I was scrolling through and realised some of the people in my "friend list" were people I didn't even really know or had never met in person (friend of a friend or friend of a family member).  Why?  Not too long ago I did a clean out, and some of those people over the following weeks starting sending me ANOTHER friend request.  Some were people that I didn't even have a close relationship when I lived in the states, so why continue the fb friendship people?  Now granted, I don't need regular interaction with anyone on facebook to keep on my friends list.  So, I don't count the likes/comments and say "yup, let's stay FB friends".  But seriously.  I've cleaned out around 100 people in the last 24 hrs.  Wow, the news feed just got more interesting, because it's crap and people I care about.  Wow! lol

3.  I really like Mentos fruit flavoured mints.  Ya know, the chewy ones.  Well, I have discovered my favorite flavor (pink colour.. strawberry..mmmm) have their OWN entire packaging.  This makes me happy.  However, it's not available everywhere.  So in the last couple of weeks, I have bought two different packs of the "Variety".  One pack had NO pink, and the other had ONE pink.  This is bullshit.

4.  It's OK to have your own feelings/beliefs.  I actually respect people who have this, even if I don't agree with it.  HOWEVER, if someone doesn't agree with it, forcing the belief onto them..........just makes you an ass.  I am one who refuses to discuss religion or politics or any other highly debatable "topics".  Why?  Because it's seriously NEVER a discussion.  It turns into republicans verses democrats and into an argument.  I'm not gonna argue my point, but I will respect yours, even if I don't agree with it.  It's like looking at a cloud, and I say "that cloud looks like an elephant".  And you say "nah, I think it looks like a camel".  My response will typically be something along the lines of "cool.  Wanna grab a coffee?"  I'm never gonna see it as a camel, you are never gonna see it as an elephant.  It doesn't make either of us right or wrong.  Different opinions is amazing, because if we all thought the same, we would never move forward as a society.  This discovery this week is too complex for a blog, but annoying enough for me to at least explain it a little (and has nothing to do with religion OR politics).  

5.  I'm over puking.  Not sure this really needs an explanatory paragraph, does it?  

6.  I don't think I will ever outgrow my ability to watch the same movies over.  And over.  And over.  ANNNNNND over.

7.  I have a LOT of ideas for the house since becoming pregnant.  I am really wanting to maximize our space so when baby comes we aren't stretched too thinly.  I wish I could make it all happen over night.  

8.  I wish there was a cleaning fairy, and that she would visit my house.  I haven't done a BIG clean in ages, and I feel really guilty about it.  It's not for lack of wanting to, but just more the puking usually wins and then wipes me O-U-T to where all I have the energy to do is lay in bed and watch tv.  Total loser, I know.

9.  I am easily annoyed by teenagers in the shopping centres these days.. then I realise this baby growing in my tummy will one day BE a teenager.  Why don't they put this shit in the brochures?  Along with the fact that not every pregnancy is the "Best" time of a woman's life.  Liars.  

10.  You can only be as good of a friend as you are allowed.  There is only so many times that I can ask someone if everything is ok or make an effort before it feels like all the efforts are slapping me in the face and one sided efforts.

Ok, so, busy week I reckon!

Fingers crossed this week will be a better week as far as feeling well and just in general.  Also, fingers crossed the opportunity I am hoping for comes through.. maybe even hear something this week... can only hope!

Until next time...

Yup. Still alive. Yup. Still a slacker!

So I think I should just stop attempting blog challenges.  Not only did I fail at this one, I failed at my acknowledged attempt to "Jamaican bob sled" it and pick myself up and finish the race, with NO chance of winning.

Yeah, even failed at that.

It just seems like since becoming pregnant and staying sick as shit, my brain has turned to total mush and I am so easily distracted... not to mention easily exhausted!  I get ideas for blogs.  They usually occur while I'm on my long commute to work or back.  At work, I don't blog.  I don't even get onto anything that would possibly lead our I.T. peeps to find my blog.  (not that I mention work anymore, but ya know, people don't need to know my shit.).  When I get home, well.... the bed usually persuades me to join it around 8 or 9pm.. or the toilet welcomes me for some "snuggle" time.....

Yes folks, I'm still experiencing pregnancy "morning" (more like all day) sickness.  It is not as bad as it was, but it still is frequent enough for me to consider finding a tall building and a short rope.  Ok, that's exaggeration.  I've been sick since the day I found out I was pregnant (hence why I took the test) on Monday December 16.  Do the math folks.  It's.... basically forever.  Or 13'ish weeks.  Same thing!  I keep hoping either tomorrow or next week it will be better.  And while I do have days that ARE better, I still have days that are no different.  It's very discouraging.

And hormones.  Please don't get me started on those.  A lot of days I feel like I'm trapped in my own body.  I am hungry, but when I eat I puke.  I feel agitated easily (13 weeks of puking will do that alone, plus preggo hormones!)  and there are times all I want is to just be alone.  I feel so anti social, and so guilty for being crabby.  Isn't this suppose to be the happiest time of my life?  Where I feel amazing, and glow?  Where's my damn glow?  I was promised a glow!

And then I get guilty for feeling bad about any of the above things, because I know women who would trade places with me in a heartbeat.  But don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about the little miracle growing RAPIDLY inside of me.  I'm over the moon.  I can't wait until he/she gets here (and to find out if he or she is a he or she..... which we won't know until baby is born).   I just want a couple days where I feel like a human.  Where I don't have to figure out where the toilet is so when the nausea hits I can make a run.  I don't have to avoid smells for fear of getting sick.  Where I have the energy to actually CLEAN the house.  Where I'm not crabby.  Where I don't want to just lock myself in my bedroom and cry for HOURS because I feel just lousy.  I know they say your life is never the same once you have a baby, but I really just want my body to return to a state of somewhat normalcy..even just a few days.  (and again, I already feel guilty for typing these words out.)

I had brunch with a friend today, and she told me about a possibly awesome opportunity for me, so this afternoon (in between worshiping the toilet king....) I have done some research, updated my CV and cover letter, and off it went to two companies for a possibly amazing opportunity... Watch this space.... (or if you know me, I am happy to fill you in, just not posting on a random public blog! lol)

It's Saturday night at 8:15.  I'm debating going to bed soon in hopes that dinner will stay down and I have a fighting chance to NOT puke again today.  

In regards to the blog challenge, I am gonna just admit total defeat and say that you readers probably knew I was gonna not finish it anyways.  Maybe I need to stick to like a week long challenge..or a once a month?  Ahhh...who am I kidding?? lolol

Until next time!