"You are having a preemie..."

As I said in the last blog, I am gonna do a few blogs on the events that have occurred in the last five months, so that it's not one extremely long entry, and so that I can break it down and write it without trying to cover lots at once (that's for my own benefit/release than anything).  So, here I am.. just a few days later.  I'm on a roll, hey?  I would tell you the "chapters" so to speak that I plan to write..but that would require me to think ahead and well, we all know that my ability to do that is nonexistent, and now that we have Emily home with us (where she belongs) I do good to plan my daily shower, much less blog entries.  No offense, readers.

I remember the first time that I was told our baby was going to be born prematurely.  I had been closely monitored for high blood pressure from 24 weeks pregnant onward.  All my testing at 24 weeks was negative for pre eclampsia so the doctor wasn't overly worried.  On Friday June 6 my bp shot up to 164/110 at work.  I went home to rest as that usually brought it down.  We went up to the labor ward that evening for a quick check to ensure it had come down as it had in past.  Only this time it was different.  The blood pressure had not come down.  They then decided to do some blood work "just in case" and said they would be keeping me over night and "probably the weekend, just to be safe".  Wayne came home to get some clothes and necessities.  While he was gone, the doctor and nurse came in and said "The good news is, the baby seems fine on the monitor.  The bad news is your blood tests aren't good....."  The look on their face wasn't one of cheery happiness that had previously been upon their face.  They went on to discuss that my blood tests showed I had severe pre eclampsia.  I was only 28 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  The doctor said "There's no easy way to say this, but you have ZERO percent chance of going to full term.  This baby is going to be born prematurely.  Possibly even in the next couple of days"

I instantly burst into tears. How could this even be possible?  The book.  I bought the book!  I followed that damn book to a T.  I avoided cheeses, cold meats, leftovers.. the list could go on and on.  I never even missed a prenatal vitamin! No, no.  This is clearly a mistake.

The hospital I was at was a very nice private hospital.  We had chosen the hospital because of it's location (3 blocks from our house) and our doctor delivered there.  It had been completely renovated and a new wing built that the maternity ward is in.  Tempur Pedic beds.  Queen beds for postpartum for dad's to stay.  Clean and brand new rooms.  And the food.  The food was amazing.  I thought I was in for several weeks at this amazing hotel hospital, and thought that it wasn't too bad...considering.  Our goal was to get above 32 weeks and at one stage my OB came in and thought we could possibly get to 34-36 weeks.  So I had a long road ahead of me in hospital, but with all the nice features of the hospital, that was gonna make it much easier...... until......

The next day Wayne went to dinner with a friend.  We were both originally going, but with my hospitalised state, I insisted he go.  I was doing well.  If I was gonna be in there for a while, I certainly didn't want his life to completely stop.  Just because I'm in the hospital, doesn't mean he needs to live there 24 hrs a day when I'm just on bed rest watching t.v.  I mean, I felt pretty good... with the exception of lots of blood tests, headaches, and lack of sleep from A.) an active baby, B.) Peeing four to six times an hour (thanks to the Pre E) and C.) having my bp checked a lot and being put on the monitors a lot.  While Wayne was gone, I took a turn for the worse.  My headache worsened.  I felt very odd (almost drunk).  Earlier that day I had a severe reaction to a medication, but that was HOURS before.  I called the nurse and my bp had spiked WAY up.  I also started having decrease movements of the baby.  They took me down to the monitors again and they weren't happy with the results.  When a baby moves in utero, the heart rate increases.  When a baby is in distress the heart rate drops with movement.  For me, there was no change.  So while it wasn't a bad result, it was certainly not ideal.  They decided to give me IV Magnesium and transfer me to the hospital in the city, as they are not equipped to accept a baby under 32 weeks gestation.

Upon arrival, they were busy getting me hooked up, starting new IV's, inserting catheters...all the fun fun things you dream of doing on a Saturday night.  They were all so very nice, but all of a sudden, one of them looked at me and said "We are trying to figure out whether we need to do an emergency c-section tonight or if it can wait until morning"

Holy.  Shit.

Tonight?  No, no, no.  It's too early.  He or she isn't ready.  He or she NEEDS more time to cook.  This cannot be happening.  The book!  Remember, I read the book.  I followed the book.  No, this isn't happening.  No way.  Send me home, there's been a huge mistake.

Luckily, they were able to get me stabilized and the next day I saw my new doctor, Dr. Craig Pennell.  He had such a calming way about him, but didn't bullshit me either. We had a daily ultrasound and blood work.  Luckily for the baby, he or she (spoiler..hehe..she!) was fine.  Small due to growth restrictions from the Pre Eclampsia.  So it was a matter of keeping the baby inside until either I took another bad turn or the baby starting showing signs of distress.

And as I mentioned, the first hospital..was nice.  Very nice.  This hospital?  From the outside it looked like something out of a Stephen King Movie...especially at night (which was my first time seeing it ever!)  The food was horrible.  I started plotting my meals.  I would ask for butter and a slice of untoasted bread with dinner and lunch and would save that for toast for breakfast as the ward had a toaster for moms to use.  Due to previous fire issues, microwaves were banned.  It's 2014.  Who the hell is doing shit to cause a microwave to get on the hospital BANNED list?  Wayne took one look at the dinner plate the first night and asked "What do you want me to bring you? I can't make you eat that".  The care at the hospital was great, and that's why I was there and I get THAT is what matters.  But when you take a hungry pregnant woman a plate of mystery meat, don't expect her to jump for joy.  The rooms were tiny, out dated pale pink walls, and old hospital beds that were so uncomfortable and made the worst noises when I turned over or adjusted the bed.  No more temper pedic.  No more gourmet food.  Not only was I having a preemie, I was now in some women's prison.  And god forbid if you asked for a second towel on the days you wanted to wash your hair.  And not the luxurious fluffy towels from the other hospital.  (SEE why I called it a hotel?!?!)  I think the biggest downfall to the hospital was the distance from home.  It's in the city and without rush hour traffic it's about 30 minutes.  Add rush hour traffic and some days could take four days to get there.  Now, when I was in hospital you would think it didn't affect me.  However, it's really hard to ask someone to "run" home quickly for your favorite pair of socks (an example..didn't really happen!) when it's THAT far.  3 blocks?  Easy!  That distance became so much harder once the baby was born and we were doing daily trips to the hospital.  But we'll get to that........

On Monday 16 June, the ultrasound looked great.  Active baby and all was good.  The doctor went out and looked at my blood results and walked back in.  I expected him to say what he had been saying everyday since I was admitted to King Eddie's on the 7th of "Ok, so I'll see you tomorrow".  Today, his response was different.  "Ok.  So.  C Section Tomorrow".  Apparently my platelets had dropped (common with severe pre eclampsia) and it was no longer safe for me or the baby to remain pregnant for risk of bleeding and hemorrhaging.  We sat there in total shock.  Again, the same thoughts rushed through my mind "It's too soon  And the book. The damn book.  I read it!  I followed it!  STOP!  Make this STOP!"  

There was no stopping.

That day we were consulted by a Neonatologist who told us what we could expect.  In hindsight, I don't think any discussion would have ever prepared us for what we would experience.  There is just no way to prepare for it.  But like everything in life, we often don't get a chance to prepare.  I have become very very close with another nicu mom whose baby was born a week after Emily.  She had no notice or warning she was having a premie.  We discussed that recently, and I'm not sure which is easier.  Well, I use the word "Easier" lightly.  We knew 11 days before Emily was born that we were having a preemie.  And I'm not sure if even during those 11 days we actually knew what that meant.  What the road we were about to enter was going to actually be like.  

Oh.  And the book... Fuck the book.