So I think I should just stop attempting blog challenges. Not only did I fail at this one, I failed at my acknowledged attempt to "Jamaican bob sled" it and pick myself up and finish the race, with NO chance of winning.
Yeah, even failed at that.
It just seems like since becoming pregnant and staying sick as shit, my brain has turned to total mush and I am so easily distracted... not to mention easily exhausted! I get ideas for blogs. They usually occur while I'm on my long commute to work or back. At work, I don't blog. I don't even get onto anything that would possibly lead our I.T. peeps to find my blog. (not that I mention work anymore, but ya know, people don't need to know my shit.). When I get home, well.... the bed usually persuades me to join it around 8 or 9pm.. or the toilet welcomes me for some "snuggle" time.....
Yes folks, I'm still experiencing pregnancy "morning" (more like all day) sickness. It is not as bad as it was, but it still is frequent enough for me to consider finding a tall building and a short rope. Ok, that's exaggeration. I've been sick since the day I found out I was pregnant (hence why I took the test) on Monday December 16. Do the math folks. It's.... basically forever. Or 13'ish weeks. Same thing! I keep hoping either tomorrow or next week it will be better. And while I do have days that ARE better, I still have days that are no different. It's very discouraging.
And hormones. Please don't get me started on those. A lot of days I feel like I'm trapped in my own body. I am hungry, but when I eat I puke. I feel agitated easily (13 weeks of puking will do that alone, plus preggo hormones!) and there are times all I want is to just be alone. I feel so anti social, and so guilty for being crabby. Isn't this suppose to be the happiest time of my life? Where I feel amazing, and glow? Where's my damn glow? I was promised a glow!
And then I get guilty for feeling bad about any of the above things, because I know women who would trade places with me in a heartbeat. But don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about the little miracle growing RAPIDLY inside of me. I'm over the moon. I can't wait until he/she gets here (and to find out if he or she is a he or she..... which we won't know until baby is born). I just want a couple days where I feel like a human. Where I don't have to figure out where the toilet is so when the nausea hits I can make a run. I don't have to avoid smells for fear of getting sick. Where I have the energy to actually CLEAN the house. Where I'm not crabby. Where I don't want to just lock myself in my bedroom and cry for HOURS because I feel just lousy. I know they say your life is never the same once you have a baby, but I really just want my body to return to a state of somewhat normalcy..even just a few days. (and again, I already feel guilty for typing these words out.)
I had brunch with a friend today, and she told me about a possibly awesome opportunity for me, so this afternoon (in between worshiping the toilet king....) I have done some research, updated my CV and cover letter, and off it went to two companies for a possibly amazing opportunity... Watch this space.... (or if you know me, I am happy to fill you in, just not posting on a random public blog! lol)
It's Saturday night at 8:15. I'm debating going to bed soon in hopes that dinner will stay down and I have a fighting chance to NOT puke again today.
In regards to the blog challenge, I am gonna just admit total defeat and say that you readers probably knew I was gonna not finish it anyways. Maybe I need to stick to like a week long challenge..or a once a month? Ahhh...who am I kidding?? lolol
Until next time!
No comments:
Post a Comment