Thursday, June 23, 2011

Rough rough night......

For hippa reasons, can't go into details.  Just know that last night was a rough emotional night for me. 

So, today I'm posting 2 prior blogs from my very first blog related to nursing.... just because, well, it's my blog and I can... lol. 

"Someone posted this on facebook... nobody knows the author..but I found it interesting and thought some of you might as well.....

Patients aren't always satisfied with how well nurses communicate, a recent Medicare survey revealed. Well, nurses had no trouble communicating with me after I defended them (last) Sunday. Nurses from recovery rooms, coronary care, pediatrics, geriatrics, ER and Trauma units e-mailed me across the country. Here's what they had to say:Come walk in our shoes for a 12-hour shift. Come see the joy, the tragedy, the comedy, the 100 ways we are pulled and pushed, then rate my "pleasant greeting", "answers call light in timely fashion", "states name of patient."

Use the bathroom now, because you might not get the chance again until your shift ends. Wear comfortable shoes. Don't worry if they're clean. They'll end up with blood and vomit on them. We are the patient's advocate, the doctors' eyes and ears, and everyone's scapegoat. We can page your doctor but we can't make that doctor magically appear. We check your stitches, wipe your blood, drain your pus and empty your bedpan. Nursing is a tough job, but we're tougher. We've been yelled at by administrators, supervisors and doctors. We've been kicked, slapped, punched, spat on, and sexually harassed by patients in various states of delirium, mental illness, arrogance, and intoxication. We've even had chairs and food trays thrown at us. We work mandatory overtime, weekends and holidays. We eat Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with coworkers.

We deal with families who ignore visiting hours, bring food to patients on restricted diets, and insist on staying the night even though it's not a private room. We deal with the Florida son who orders us around to show a parent he's neglected for years that he cares. We cannot be at your side every waking minute. We have 10 other patients. We cannot answer 5 call lights at once. We can't stop doing CPR on a patient because you ran out of tissues. We are not maids, beauticians, or cocktail waitresses. We are professionals with college degrees. We hate that we can't spend more bedside time with you. Swearing at us will not make us move faster. Taking better care of your health would help. Quit smoking. Lose weight. Start exercising. Stop drinking. How do we survive? We ignore the nasty comments, the demanding relatives, the crazy staffing grids. We count to 10 before speaking. We pray every morning for strength and wisdom, patience and empathy.

We drive home tired and frustrated, telling ourselves over and over , "I'm not the nurse I want to be, but I'm the best nurse the hospital staffing allows me to be." We fall asleep praying for the ones who won't survive the night. There is no finish line, ever. Nursing is demanding, fulfilling, and we can't imagine doing anything else. Nothing beats washing blood and glass off a car crash survivor , stabilizing a broken neck, saving a diabetic's leg, keeping a cancer patient in remission. The day we send a patient home we relish the unbelievable resilience of the human body and spirit. We did not become nurses for the hours, the salary, or the glamour of it all. We became nurses to make a difference. We don't ask for much. One sincere Thank You makes all the thankless hours worth it."

"Well folks.. I officially have one more night of nursing school left. Wow. I can't believe that this has gone by so quickly, yet so slowly, at the same time. I have a few random thoughts to blog on, so follow me as this, as most of my posts...may be totally random and turn some sharp corners at times..... Shocker, I know.
If anything, nursing school has attempted to kill me. Last year I had Flu A and Flu B four weeks.... count them.. FOUR weeks apart. In my second semester I developed migraines and even developed a hemi-plegic migraine where the right side of my body was numb. I have had a lot of health problems my entire life, but have never been so terrified, especially when the word "stroke" came up. There have been stomach bugs that I was sure were gonna cause me to throw up vital organs and not be able to put them back. Colds galore.. an ear infection which made me have a whole new level of appreciation for my kiddo's who basically keep an ear infection. So painful, so uncomfortable. Oh, and Flu A again this year (yeah.. last week.. haven't blogged that yet..consider that done now..lol). In addition, I have had a few hangovers that made me wish for death. Yes, you could say that last one was my fault..but I'm sure the drinking was because of stress related to nursing school, so I'm just gonna blame it on nursing school. lol.
I have learned that I have the patience I never knew, but yet lack sooo much patience. I have found strength in myself to accomplish something that I never really believed I could do, despite my desire to do it (age, money, time, etc).
I have seen life begin. I have seen life end. I have learned not to cry when something bad happens, but have yet to learn how to not let those feelings regarding what I wanted to cry about out when I'm in the confines of my own home. This makes me feel sometimes heartless, but yet sometimes a softie.
I have found that the right instructor can really really REALLY make a difference in the lives of her students and will forever be grateful for being able to consider her my instructor, mentor, and friend. I have learned to bite my tongue. Those of you who truly know me, know this is not an easy one. I have learned that I have sooo much more to learn and this is hardly even the beginning.
I have begun to fear growing old and dying more than I ever have my entire life. I fear dying alone. All alone in a hospital room. No visitors. No family. No flowers. Just nurses who hopefully care enough to turn me every 2 hours, keep my pain low, and maybe take away a good memory of me.
I fear that I will never be comfortable as a nurse and will always question if I'm doing the right thing. Maybe I shouldn't fear that. Maybe I should hope I am never too comfortable that I make a bad decision because I didn't question myself. Man. Talk about a ying-yang.
I am not sure I will ever stop trying to achieve the "next level". Right now the thought of taking one more class makes me consider suicide or homicide. (Not REALLY.. but seemed like a good place to put that one). But at the same time, stopping the learning process sounds really scary. Damn that ying-yang again.
I don't think I will ever stop thinking about things at night. I think this is why I will be on Ambien forever. If I don't sleep at night, I ponder things.. how is little jane doe doing?? I wonder if Mr. John Doe made it or passed away. Did I finish everything? Basically, did I do everything I need to do for everyone that I needed or could have done?
I guess as the evening is wrapping up, so should this post. I hope everyone is doing well in whatever part of the world you may be reading this from. Until next time...."

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